Deep Realities and Morning Choices

     "How am I?"... A question that stumbles me and differs depending on the time of day you ask me. Whether I am good or bad, homesick or not, pretty or a mess, clean or dirty I see with wide eyes why I am here.  I am here because I am choosing daily to be obedient to God.  I am here because teens need opportunities to act on faith.  I am here because I want God to use me for His plans.  I have seen 13 year olds preach and 11 year olds memorize countless bible verses to be able to talk with others about God!  They are hungry for where God is leading them, and I get to provide them opportunities to practice being bold, how cool is that.  I count it a blessing to do this and keeping my feelings and emotions in check is important so that I can allow God to work through me.

     As I was sitting in my bed this morning wanting to lay there forever because I just didn't want to feel strong today, God said "let nothing separate me from you today."  I laid my sadness, my fears, my weakness, and everything that was not enough on the table before Him.  I tugged on to them trying to keep them and have an excuse to feel weak, but God was asking me for an undivided heart.  I knew if I was going to give this day to Him, I needed to have a pure heart only desiring the things that God had for me.

     To be honest, this is what every morning has looked like over the past week.  I have to make the conscious decision each morning to put my life in His hands for His purposes.  I consciously give the selfish Emily away so that others will see Our Maker and not me.  By doing this I got to see 13 year old Elian preach for the first time, I got to have a conversation with 17 year old Valeri about choosing faith for herself, I get to see 14 year old James from Haiti sing his heart out to God, I got to lead two people in the salvation prayer in Spanish, I got to hear 6 year old Wood tell me that God knows everything, and countless other moments that I am storing up in my heart!

     So just know that when you ask me how I am doing, I am homesick, dirt-covered, and my hair is just awful, but I see why God is asking all or nothing.  God continues to remind me that there is beauty beyond measure in obedience to Him.  And tomorrow when I wake up, without a doubt, I will choose it all over again.

 

Xoxo,