Departure: TOMORROW

Today is officially my last day here before I go abroad and learn a whole new culture for 42 days!

>>GRATEFUL.  More than anything right now I am feeling grateful.  I am so thankful to even get a chance like this.  Most people my age don't get to do things like this, but with so much support from so many people it was made possible.

>>PROTECTED.  I feel weirdly at ease about all of this.  I thought this week would be hard because I had to say bye to all of my friends, but more than anything I feel covered in prayer.  Thank you everyone who is praying for me, because honestly I feel it 100%.

>>FEARLESS.  Initially I wanted God to speak to me in big ways this week pouring wisdom into me and filling me with guidance..  None of that happened.  What did happen was God's beauty was revealed.  All he did was show me his beauty in the everyday things around me reminding me that His presence was the only thing I needed.  I didn't need more words to satisfy my inner soul.  I needed my maker to show me he is with me still.  For me that looked like watching the sun set in the sky and enjoying laughter shared with my beautiful sister.  Those things were glimpses of God's presence to me.  I am feeling full of happiness that could only come from God and ultimately fearless knowing that the same God who creates sunsets, is creating my story all the while.

The Voice of Truth

     For some reason running has always been a spiritual thing for me.  It's either think about the pain that is jolting through my calves or try to use this time for prayer and thinking.  In most cases I tend to chose the latter option because, well that option sounds more delightful!  Being back home, I have stepped back into the grove of going running every once in a while down some streets by my house.  This actually does wonders for my relationship with God.  I love seeing wide open fields with rows of corn, herds of cattle roaming through tall, green grass, breathing the fresh, crisp air, and most of all... the moment a cloud barely moves away and the sun has full reign over the entire sky, like God is saying "bask in my beauty, if only for just a moment!"
 

     I was running just the other day and the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns came on.  The chorus says:

But the voice of truth tells me a different story.  The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"  The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory."  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.  

 If you have read any of my other blog posts you might could guess why this song spoke to me so much.  This song talks about when Jesus called out to Peter to walk on water.  "To step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hands."  It was the moment when Peter had to trust Jesus, when there wasn't the boat to hold him up anymore or sail to keep his direction.  In-fact, it was even worse than just losing all objects of stability, it was stepping out into stormy waters with crashing waves, and dark rumbling clouds.   I imagine myself being Peter and physically being able to reach out for Jesus' hand and grab hold of it.  How beautiful a scene of what trust in Jesus is supposed to look like.

     So as I was running and the song was growing more powerful, and I felt the actual voice of truth seeping into my thoughts, the grande finale came.  As the words "Do not be afraid" rang into my ear buds with power, the clouds separated in the sky and the sun shone through them like great golden rays in that very instant.  That is God.  You look at something as beautiful as the sun peaking around white clouds in the open blue, country sky and you will believe that there is a God.  One that fills you with strength and builds you up in courage.  One that won't call you out onto the water without already being one step ahead with an outstretched arm.  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.  I think that voice of truth is telling me, I am strong and I am ready.  What is it telling you?

About My Blog

Hello interested reader,

     My name is Emily and my goal is that at the end of reading this blog you will have a reinvented view of who our God is.   I want to share with you my inner most thoughts not for the sole purpose of sharing, but to inspire you to dig into the true reality of your beliefs, Christian or not.  I started this blog out of a need to share with people the ways that God was playing an active role in my life.  

     For beginners, I am an average college student working on a degree in Bilingual Education just trying to find Jesus in a "self-help" kind of world.  Over the past semester God has led me to an amazing opportunity to seek out his Kingdom in the Dominican Republic.  I am scared, I am delighted, I am nervous, but I am fearless all at the same time because I am trusting in a God who desires to bring about love and goodness to every inch of His created humanity.  

     I hope that you will stay on this page a little while and dwell in God's great doings.  If this all seems a little too far fetched for you, I ask that you give me a chance.  I won't push a belief on you but I will ask that you be open to mine in order to evaluate its truthfulness without the usual walls that have been put up against it.  So buckle up and join me as I search out finding the freedom that comes with being a believer in God and what that truly means.  Let the journey begin!

Xoxo,

Emily

Our Relational, Loving, and Sacrificial God

     T-minus three weeks until departure!!  I have been thinking lately of how to even begin preparing myself for this trip like what books I want to read before I go, and what things I need to start preparing myself for.  I quickly realized that preparing myself is a God-sized task and definitely not an Emily-the one who is brain dead from finals-size task.  I do want to think about my preparation in three ways, though.  Past: our past can be a testimony to God's existence, present: we are currently loved by the King of Kings, & future: we will give our everything to one who gave everything to get to us.  Maybe after looking into these three categories I can come to know God's true character and take that with me. I encourage you to try this also.

PAST.  HE WANTS RELATIONSHIP WITH US.

The Administration Building at Texas A&M.

     The past, even though a bumpy last year, helps me to see that God actually played an active role in my life.  Since I know he has worked in my life by seeing it this past year, I can be certain that God will continue to do it right now and to be faithful to that in the upcoming weeks.  God I pray that you use my past as a testimony to your existence.  Would you help me to pinpoint the things that you did for me so that I might use those things to speak highly of you and to point others towards you.  Amen.

PRESENT.  GOD LOVES US.

The Emily of today.

     I believe that we get into a mindset that God loves some future version of us.  I believe this because I catch myself doing it all the time.  "Oh one day when I am living in a village being a missionary, raising 5 children, being supermom, and saving the world, then maybe God will love me a whole lot..."  That's an insane way to think and not at all true!  God loves us exactly how we are right now, even without looking at our potential.  So God I pray that you would help me to maintain an unshakable identity in you that focuses on the person that you have made me to be so far.  I believe that you love the Emily of today without even looking at the Emily of tomorrow.  Amen.

FUTURE.  GOD SACRIFICED FOR US.

Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

     As for the future, well I can't do this for the kids that I hope to serve because it might take them a long time to understand and I can get worn out.  I also can't do this for me because I am going to mess up a whole lot along the way...  But if I love God, I will do this for him.  And one day maybe he will say well done good and faithful servant.  I will give my everything to the one who gave everything to get to me.  That seems to be the most logical thing to do.  God I pray that you begin to prepare the hearts of those I will come in contact with for your word and that you would prepare my heart for sharing that with them.  Have your way in me.  Amen.

Finding Him in the midst of this

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

     I am so weak.  I feel incapable of a task this big.  I don't know why God would put so much in the hands of a moody, unreliable teenage girl like me.  Some days I feel like I really can do something like this and it won't be that hard.  Other days I want to curl up in a ball and cry and question God for the big callings he places on my heart.  God doesn't mean to scare or frighten though, and I am aware of that.  I have to discern between the voice telling me "you can't" and the voice telling me "you will find me in the midst of this."  I have seen God succeed through me before when I felt weak and insufficient and I have no doubt that he would love the opportunity to show his power within me again.

     God has definitely been with me the last few weeks as the details are coming in and as the plans are being arranged in my host country.  Just recently the entire payment for the trip was paid for!  I had some generous people decide to donate money so that this would even be possible for me and I can't even explain how grateful I am for that.  I believe that this is a testament to what can be accomplished with the power of prayer... God is so good.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you to those who donated money to help me go on this trip, I really am so thankful for your kindness.  Also, thank you to those who have been keeping me in your prayers and thoughts!  Six weeks until departure!  Let's do this!

I am calling this one the fight for my freedom

     It was at the moment when I allowed all my weaknesses to consume my mind that I thought, I can't do this.  I can't fail again. 

     You see two summers ago I felt called to serve at a christian camp for the summer.  It was enough ways from home where I wouldn't get to see family or friends that often, but I thought I could sum up enough strength to push through the summer.  It wasn't but 24 hours of being there that I was looking at the steering wheel of my car, driving out of that camp in tears because I knew I couldn't find the strength in myself.  God revealed his will to me and I failed at completing it.  

     

     This experience has haunted me ever since.  I have a calling on my heart though, and that is I want so bad to serve the children of God in other countries.  When I came across the opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic, I pushed it to the side and didn't really think about it too much.  I reminded myself of the time I failed, then quickly threw the pamphlet into my junk drawer.  I continued to keep searching for things to do in the upcoming summer that would be cool, life changing, and you guessed it, close to home.  Nothing was working out and nothing felt right though.  One day I came across the Dominican Republic pamphlet again and started flipping through it.  I started realizing the control that I let my previous experience have on my life and I didn't like it.  God started to pour verses about strength and freedom into my heart and I couldn't help but feel like he was prompting me to take a leap of faith.  After a series of crazy twists and turns of getting paperwork signed, making appointments, and getting accepted to the program, I knew without a doubt that this was God's will for me.

     

     I failed the first time and my weakness was revealed to me.  My weakness controlled my decisions and ultimately my relationship with God.  I can't let it anymore.  This has gone too far and I am ready for God to cut the chains that bind me from what I am supposed to be.  So with that being said, I am calling this one the fight for my freedom...