La Republica Dominicana, Te Quiero

Too much love in one picture!  Griseli and I.

     Friday, July 11th, was my last day in the beautiful country of the Dominican Republic.  I don't think words do justice to how hard saying goodbye actually was, but I'm going to try.

     I arrived in La Otra Banda to spend a few hours there playing with the kids and to say goodbye in the afternoon.  I spent time walking with the ones I had become particularly close with.  We sat on the mountain overlooking the city just making small talk while watching Griseli and her siblings climb trees and eat Chinola right off the branch.  It was so ordinary and resembled my everyday life during my time there.  No phones, no watches, and nothing to do but spend time talking.

     I went to Griseli's house to say bye to her mom, and what happened in the next few minutes was not what I was expecting.  Her mother Ingrid, 24 years old trying to provide for 6 children, made hard by the world and it's difficulties, began to weep.  She told me how much she appreciated my care for her and her family.  She said that she loved me and that I meant a lot to her.  I, holding onto every bit of strength I could summon, unclasped the "Te Amo" (I Love You) necklace from around my neck and placed it around hers.  I told her that I love her so so much and her family as well.  But more than I love her, Jesus loves her and that it is so important that she knows that.  We hugged and cried together knowing that we had found each other for a reason.  I let go of her and before I could recover my strength Griseli threw her arms around me, burying her face in my shirt, and began to sob.  This is an image that I will never forget.  I can still look down and picture her there with her arms wrapped tightly around me, my hands lightly brushing her hair from her face, and trying tell her it's okay through my shaking sobs.  What an image of how much God worked in all of us.  The beauty of his presence was there in the midst of our tears and I realized all he had given me.

     Isn't it interesting that the place that was such a struggle to leave home for, is a place that was so incredibly hard to leave.  God will change hearts.   Everyday since returning home Saturday I have  felt incredible homesickness towards the Dominican Republic.  It was such a struggle to make myself write this post to tell of the end of this trip because I didn't want to have to put into words how sad I actually was.  But I have to tell you, because you need to see the beauty of this.  God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.  He has truly changed my life and writing all the ways I am changed would be very hard.  I hope that those of you who have followed me in this journey will see the change in me and even be kind enough to hear my story in person because writing doesn't do it justice.  I pray that you let my story of God's sufficient love change you.  I give all the glory to Him, the writer of my story and the provider of my strength; I am just a mere messenger who was put here so that you would experience Him.  This isn't the end, it's only a small mark in what I will do with these kids, after all, I will be returning to the Dominican Republic as soon as God allows.  Thanks for the support and prayers through this.. What an amazing journey..

Ingrid, her family, and I saying goodbye.

Day 37: Hope for Ingrid

Griseli and I might be getting a little attached to each other!

     Yesterday, I got the chance to speak with Ingrid, Griseli's mom, about Jesus.  I got to tell her that before I accepted Christ in my heart, I was dead.  I wasn't living for anything and I was living this life in the circles it brought me to.  I didn't know who I belonged to and didn't know where I was headed. 

     But Jesus.. who is so mighty to save, who didn't have to leave his comfy chair in heaven, who chose to love me even when I denied his existence.. He came and redeemed me.  "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8.

     When I accepted Christ, the only thing I knew about him was that he did good things for people.  I figured if he really was my creator like he said he was, then he probably knew how to run my life better than I did.  The reason this life is so hard for most of us is because we are trying to carry the weight of it all on our shoulders.  Why do you think there are so many self help books out there?  Our world cannot take on everything life brings us on our own.  But that's the thing we don't realize before knowing Christ.  It was never meant to be that way.  When I accepted Christ, He came in beside me and took all the weight and said "Look at what I have done for you on the cross, stop living like I didn't give my life for you, I have redeemed you from the things of this world.  Go now and let others experience my love as you have."

     I don't know why someone would do that for me.  He knows me, he knows my inner thoughts, and all my sinful habits, but he choses to love me.  Why?  I will never understand, but I will forever be grateful.  Life is hard, that is that.  But why not look to the face who has open arms and is waiting for you to embrace him and just say "I really can't do this by myself anymore."

    Ingrid eventually stopped cleaning the pot she was working on and was fully in tune to what we were saying.  She seemed very emotional about what we told her, and I could tell that she is struggling with this.  We hugged her and prayed for her afterwards and left with a hopeful heart.  I know some seeds were planted and that all I can do is pray.  What a wonderful way to start out my last week here.

One of Ingrid's sons, Reimy, who calls me Tia Emely

Day 31: Fun with the Crazies

Charly, Reimy, and Griseli happy as can be!

     I woke up today knowing that I needed to go see them.  Today isn't my usual day to go to La Otra Banda, but I woke up with a heavy heart knowing that I wanted every chance I could get with them.  You know how you will do crazy things for the people you love?  Well that happened...

     I am going to give you a little cultural fun fact real quick: Let me explain to you what a concho is.  It is a form of public transportation in the Dominican Republic where you cram 7 or more random people into a 5 person car.  4 in the back, 3 in the front and yes there is a center consol.  Each concho has a route it drives and you wave one down, squeeze into the car with sweaty random people, and pay your 20 pesos.  If you're wondering why that's not illegal, we are on the same page.  Oh and did I mention there's motoconchos (motorcycle versions) as well?  Mom don't hate me.

     Anyways, each day I usually take around 3 conchos to get to the community I'm working with.  Let's just say I took 9 conchos in all and was determined to see my sweet/insane/giggly children.  When I got there, without a moment to spare the laughing and loving began.  Climbing trees, climbing hills, climbing piles of trash, and having a good ole time.  Luckily I had a few Dominican friends from the community with me, and they were able to cook for the kids who wouldn't have eaten until dinner.  I was able to tell Griseli why I do things like this and why I came here.  I kept it simple and short just saying that whenever I accepted Christ in my heart I was filled with so much joy and love and I want so bad for others to know that as well.

     I realize that God might have put my entire life back home on hold and called me to this trip and made it possible solely for this family.  I am doing good things with the others but this is where my heart pulls me.  They are the only thing I think about all day and I want so bad for them to know that they are loved.  How am I going to leave them?  I don't know yet, but until then I want to plan something special for these kids.  I don't know what that looks like yet, but I ask for prayers on how to go about it and that God will just use me to bring his light into these children.  T-minus 10 days until home, lots of work to do, so little time!

Day 30: Our God Isn't A God of Good Deeds Alone, He Sets Out to Redeem

     Through my past weeks working with La Otra Banda, it has given me such a wonderful opportunity to be one with the culture.  Every Sunday, I join them to eat lunch, play with the kids, and then attend Pastor Ortiz's service.  I want to make clear that my purpose when I go to La Otra Banda is not just to bring goodness to the people.  Unfortunately just spreading goodness and helping others make better decisions with their lives is not going to satisfy the world.  There will always be hurt and there will always be sin among us.  When I visit La Otra Banda, I try to go farther than just bringing goodness.  I try to bring the living water that will satisfy their hearts and help them to understand that this life that is hard for them is just a temporary home.

     This past Thursday while inviting girls to bible study, we came across 6 young children in their house with no one watching them.  They were very hungry and didn't have food to eat.  We were able to provide them with a little food and play with them for the rest of the day to get them out of their house and to love on them.  In this situation, it isn't enough just to buy them food.  It isn't even enough that I'm going to spend time with them and love on them because there will come a time when I have to leave them too.  These children desperately need to know that they were created with love and that there is a God who loves them more than they can even fathom.  He is real and if they look to Him, they will find him I'm sure of it.  It is so hard here for children who come from such darkness to find God in the midst of it.  But that's the crazy thing about how God works.  Just like he sent Jesus to redeem us out of sin so long ago, he is waiting for Gríselí and her siblings to find him so he can redeem them.  He sent me to find them!  He is waiting for them to accept him so that he can take them in under his wings of refuge and comfort and say "I have come for you, don't worry sweet children, you are mine now and I will protect you."  The God who would send 100 to reach 1.  That is who our God is and that kind of redemption doesn't happen by spreading goodness alone.

Charly-6, Celina-4, Reimy-9, Carly-2, Gríselí-10, Cristal-3

     This is only one example of what I get to do here.  It's a blessing to be able to bring love to these kids and teenagers everyday.  This community, this city, it is teaching me to be a more faithful servant of Jesus.  Their hearts are open and ready for Him.  It's difficult for me to always know what to say and how to say things, but if my actions are a reflection of my heart they will see Jesus and all his love has done for me and believe that it is possible for them too.  Gríselí is the first person here that I said "I love you" to.  I was able to tell her that more than I love her, there is a God who has been in love with her since she was born.  It was a sweet moment sitting on the mountain looking over the entire city with her and all the while knowing that we were both exactly in the midst of our Father.

Day 21: Halfway Point Brings a Change of Heart

     My heart is literally changing.  I can feel it throughout every aspect of my life right now.  I remember telling a friend the other day, I am not doing this for my own sake anymore bc that wouldn't be enough to keep me here, I am doing this bc this is where God has called me and that has to be enough.  Well let me tell you, He is more than just enough, He is like a bottle of water that never runs dry and is always full, ready to quench your thirst.  God.  Just God.  All by himself, without my family, without my friends, without my boyfriend, without much comfort, he is more than enough.

     I would rather be playing on the dusty streets of La Otra Banda than anything these days.  Right there, in front of the little colmado, where the wind blows fast and the sun shines hot.  Where a radio is more important than a kitchen table and laughter is always being shared.  I think about how much it has blessed me when I came intending to bless it.  Why is it that I would rather be in a place that doesn't offer AC, wifi, or physical comfort than a place that does offer those things?  I will tell you why.  La Otra Banda offers me something that AC and one more text home doesn't.  Life.  Almost like I'm catching a glimpse of heaven.  Where God is, you will find so much happiness alongside it.  Christians have so much joy because they know they don't need to worry about the life that someday comes to an end because they have a beautiful eternal life waiting for them with God.

     Trust me when I tell you this happiness is different than any comfort we may provide ourselves with.  Trust me when I say you need to get in on this.  And most importantly trust me when I say my life is different because Jesus has set me free from the things of this world that I cling on to so tightly.  I have to make a choice everyday to let those things go for the sake of bringing salvation to others.  I am working for a God who saves, whether that be on the streets of Santiago or in your own home. It is hard, but look at the beauty that is coming from it.

Day 18: Mission Team Brings Encouragement

     Just thought I would share a few pictures from the camp today.  So glad I got to catch even a glimpse of the cool things these kids got to do this week.  They are learning so much and have such wonderful people pouring into them.

     There was a missionary team here from Illinois and it was a new feeling not being the one upfront doing all the coordinating and talking, but I enjoyed it because I got to see the real impact that missionaries can make on communities.  The people of this community are doing good things here, but sometimes they need others to step in and bring encouragement to them and fresh ideas.  It makes such an impact and most of all strengthens relationships between those that already live here.  This time I will get to see what happens when a team leaves and I can already tell the Dominicans are very encouraged by them and I am too!

     Also, I want to send out prayer cards to whoever wants to be a part of this.  My idea is that I will send you a picture of one of my sweet friends here and then some information about them so that you can pray for them.  No money needed, just prayer.  There are a lot of cool kids and young adults here and I want a way for people back home to be a part of my mission here.  If you would like to partake just send me an email with your address at emilymotley95@gmail.com.

Don Pedro kids

Can't leave out my little pavo!

The Lord's Supper

Passing the bread and wine

Day 16: The Biggest Need

Emily, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Greetings!

     The past week I have spent meeting all the people from the different communities I will have the chance to work with.  I have met many adults and children varying in their relationship with God.  I came here knowing my love for children and seeking out opportunities to do that.  As I spoke more with the communities, I realized that that was not the need right now, the biggest need the people have here in Santiago is a lack of role models for young men and women.  

     As citizens of this earth we are obsessed with relationships.  Most of us love to love.  And if that is your parents, your friends, or your significant other, we love to be loved by other people as well.  As in much of America, the people of Santiago don't know how to go about this thing called relationships.  How do I go about it?  How do I learn to sacrifice?  How do I show them I love them? How do I know if they love me?  These are all universal questions that we all face.  For young women, if we are not molded by good role models, these questions can do much damage to our character.

     In every single community I visited, there was a need for a girls bible study.  There is a need for young girls to know that they are loved by someone who will fulfill their longing heart fully.  There is a need for them to know that they can stop searching for a man that will tell them that they matter bc there is already a man who has been saying that since creation.  God will fulfill our longing hearts together.  

     I ask that those of you back home will be praying for the young girls that I get to meet with and share with.  This is a stretch for me but also something that is of high importance in God's eyes.  I am already falling in love with these young women and can see how God is moving here.  God is real and God has not left us, believe that.

Until next time from the beautiful beaches of Isla Saona,

Emily

La Otra Banda Community

Day 10: Consider Him Who Endured Much

Puerto Plata, Republica Domincana

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run win perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on JESUS, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider HIM who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:1-3

     Last week, my first week here, was hard and I felt like each day was just a scratch off on the calendar telling me I was one day closer to home.  I didn't like that I was doing that but I couldn't find any sense of comfort.  There are a lot of things in the Dominican Republic that are similar to the United States, but a lot of things that are very different.. The food for one is very different, the language, the way men treat women when walking places, and the lack of air conditioner!  I realized that my prayers sounded more like "God give me strength to get through this" rather than "God give me strength to pour into this."  

     I came across this verse yesterday and was amazed at the words it spoke.  Jesus endured everything that we previously, presently, and in the future will endure.  He knows our pain that we feel because he endured it all himself, and ultimately paid the price for our sins.  I think of how he never gave up on his purpose even when so many people turned their backs on him, all for my sin, not even for his own gain.  That is someone I look up to; that is someone I am okay with being in love with.

     As I go through the rest of this week, I will remember this verse. And as I meet with young girls tonight who come from a place where having a man is seen as the only successful life, what a great thing for them to know that our father in heaven endured so much for us so that we can live our lives in freedom from the things of this world and not grow weary or lose heart. 

At the ISA office

Day 4

"As for God his way is perfect;

The Lord's word is flawless;

He shields all who take refuge in Him.

For who is God besides The Lord?

And who is the rock besides our God?

It is God who arms me with strength

And keeps my ways secure."

Psalm 18:30-32

     I truly believe that there is no way to live apart from God.  He is in everything and extends his hands to everything.  The things of this world are too interconnected and too many things came from a one in a million chance to not believe that.  Some might look at me and say, oh all this talk about God giving her strength is just a religious way of saying she is growing up and is learning how to make it on her own.  I will tell you why they are wrong.  

     There is a human characteristic in all of us that wants to satisfy ourselves and to stay comfortable.  We enjoy living our life in the places we want, with the people we want, and in the manner we want.  That is all okay, unless there is an outside force that you were specifically designed to work for, not 9-5 work, but life giving, eternal work.  I explained earlier in a condensed way that I believe in this outside force; therefore I cannot live in a way that only satisfies myself but in a way that honors my maker (the same way we long to honor our parents).  

     What I want readers to understand is that this trip is against my will and against my human characteristics of wanting to be comfortable.  No that is not something I enjoy saying but I want people to see that this is how far I would go for something that is true; you need to see the truth in this.  God is real, and yes God is the one giving me the strength to do this so that I can do good work here.  He is a good God who, yes, might make one person feel uncomfortable in order to make dozens more experience the freedom and goodness of living in Him.  I guess that is why I risk my comfort, that's why I cut all securities.  I want everyone to know this Truth, because it is true, the truth will set you free...

Day 2: Old Feelings

     Today was my second day in La Republica Dominicana.  Lets just say my body has a lot of adjusting to do.  There probably wasn't one minute in the day where I wasn't sweating or fighting off the millions of Mosquitos!  There is something about this island though that draws me in.
     To be honest, I am pushing through those old feelings again.  The feelings of wanting the ones I love and not being able to have them.  I am holding it together though, I am trusting in God's plans.  I just have to believe that He wants me right here where I am.
     So God, please continue to provide me with strength to do this.  I am so scared of failing you again.  Help me to remember the love and courage you poured into me these previous weeks so that I might fulfill this call. I need you God and cannot do this on my own.  This is not about what comforts me, this is about obeying you and that is what I am going to do.  Amen.

Day 1: New faces, New Places

I arrived and I am safe.  Besides that my tired body will be resigning for the night.

Mi nueva familia.

La ciudad Santiago.

Departure: TOMORROW

Today is officially my last day here before I go abroad and learn a whole new culture for 42 days!

>>GRATEFUL.  More than anything right now I am feeling grateful.  I am so thankful to even get a chance like this.  Most people my age don't get to do things like this, but with so much support from so many people it was made possible.

>>PROTECTED.  I feel weirdly at ease about all of this.  I thought this week would be hard because I had to say bye to all of my friends, but more than anything I feel covered in prayer.  Thank you everyone who is praying for me, because honestly I feel it 100%.

>>FEARLESS.  Initially I wanted God to speak to me in big ways this week pouring wisdom into me and filling me with guidance..  None of that happened.  What did happen was God's beauty was revealed.  All he did was show me his beauty in the everyday things around me reminding me that His presence was the only thing I needed.  I didn't need more words to satisfy my inner soul.  I needed my maker to show me he is with me still.  For me that looked like watching the sun set in the sky and enjoying laughter shared with my beautiful sister.  Those things were glimpses of God's presence to me.  I am feeling full of happiness that could only come from God and ultimately fearless knowing that the same God who creates sunsets, is creating my story all the while.

The Voice of Truth

     For some reason running has always been a spiritual thing for me.  It's either think about the pain that is jolting through my calves or try to use this time for prayer and thinking.  In most cases I tend to chose the latter option because, well that option sounds more delightful!  Being back home, I have stepped back into the grove of going running every once in a while down some streets by my house.  This actually does wonders for my relationship with God.  I love seeing wide open fields with rows of corn, herds of cattle roaming through tall, green grass, breathing the fresh, crisp air, and most of all... the moment a cloud barely moves away and the sun has full reign over the entire sky, like God is saying "bask in my beauty, if only for just a moment!"
 

     I was running just the other day and the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns came on.  The chorus says:

But the voice of truth tells me a different story.  The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"  The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory."  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.  

 If you have read any of my other blog posts you might could guess why this song spoke to me so much.  This song talks about when Jesus called out to Peter to walk on water.  "To step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hands."  It was the moment when Peter had to trust Jesus, when there wasn't the boat to hold him up anymore or sail to keep his direction.  In-fact, it was even worse than just losing all objects of stability, it was stepping out into stormy waters with crashing waves, and dark rumbling clouds.   I imagine myself being Peter and physically being able to reach out for Jesus' hand and grab hold of it.  How beautiful a scene of what trust in Jesus is supposed to look like.

     So as I was running and the song was growing more powerful, and I felt the actual voice of truth seeping into my thoughts, the grande finale came.  As the words "Do not be afraid" rang into my ear buds with power, the clouds separated in the sky and the sun shone through them like great golden rays in that very instant.  That is God.  You look at something as beautiful as the sun peaking around white clouds in the open blue, country sky and you will believe that there is a God.  One that fills you with strength and builds you up in courage.  One that won't call you out onto the water without already being one step ahead with an outstretched arm.  Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.  I think that voice of truth is telling me, I am strong and I am ready.  What is it telling you?

About My Blog

Hello interested reader,

     My name is Emily and my goal is that at the end of reading this blog you will have a reinvented view of who our God is.   I want to share with you my inner most thoughts not for the sole purpose of sharing, but to inspire you to dig into the true reality of your beliefs, Christian or not.  I started this blog out of a need to share with people the ways that God was playing an active role in my life.  

     For beginners, I am an average college student working on a degree in Bilingual Education just trying to find Jesus in a "self-help" kind of world.  Over the past semester God has led me to an amazing opportunity to seek out his Kingdom in the Dominican Republic.  I am scared, I am delighted, I am nervous, but I am fearless all at the same time because I am trusting in a God who desires to bring about love and goodness to every inch of His created humanity.  

     I hope that you will stay on this page a little while and dwell in God's great doings.  If this all seems a little too far fetched for you, I ask that you give me a chance.  I won't push a belief on you but I will ask that you be open to mine in order to evaluate its truthfulness without the usual walls that have been put up against it.  So buckle up and join me as I search out finding the freedom that comes with being a believer in God and what that truly means.  Let the journey begin!

Xoxo,

Emily

Our Relational, Loving, and Sacrificial God

     T-minus three weeks until departure!!  I have been thinking lately of how to even begin preparing myself for this trip like what books I want to read before I go, and what things I need to start preparing myself for.  I quickly realized that preparing myself is a God-sized task and definitely not an Emily-the one who is brain dead from finals-size task.  I do want to think about my preparation in three ways, though.  Past: our past can be a testimony to God's existence, present: we are currently loved by the King of Kings, & future: we will give our everything to one who gave everything to get to us.  Maybe after looking into these three categories I can come to know God's true character and take that with me. I encourage you to try this also.

PAST.  HE WANTS RELATIONSHIP WITH US.

The Administration Building at Texas A&M.

     The past, even though a bumpy last year, helps me to see that God actually played an active role in my life.  Since I know he has worked in my life by seeing it this past year, I can be certain that God will continue to do it right now and to be faithful to that in the upcoming weeks.  God I pray that you use my past as a testimony to your existence.  Would you help me to pinpoint the things that you did for me so that I might use those things to speak highly of you and to point others towards you.  Amen.

PRESENT.  GOD LOVES US.

The Emily of today.

     I believe that we get into a mindset that God loves some future version of us.  I believe this because I catch myself doing it all the time.  "Oh one day when I am living in a village being a missionary, raising 5 children, being supermom, and saving the world, then maybe God will love me a whole lot..."  That's an insane way to think and not at all true!  God loves us exactly how we are right now, even without looking at our potential.  So God I pray that you would help me to maintain an unshakable identity in you that focuses on the person that you have made me to be so far.  I believe that you love the Emily of today without even looking at the Emily of tomorrow.  Amen.

FUTURE.  GOD SACRIFICED FOR US.

Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

     As for the future, well I can't do this for the kids that I hope to serve because it might take them a long time to understand and I can get worn out.  I also can't do this for me because I am going to mess up a whole lot along the way...  But if I love God, I will do this for him.  And one day maybe he will say well done good and faithful servant.  I will give my everything to the one who gave everything to get to me.  That seems to be the most logical thing to do.  God I pray that you begin to prepare the hearts of those I will come in contact with for your word and that you would prepare my heart for sharing that with them.  Have your way in me.  Amen.

Finding Him in the midst of this

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

     I am so weak.  I feel incapable of a task this big.  I don't know why God would put so much in the hands of a moody, unreliable teenage girl like me.  Some days I feel like I really can do something like this and it won't be that hard.  Other days I want to curl up in a ball and cry and question God for the big callings he places on my heart.  God doesn't mean to scare or frighten though, and I am aware of that.  I have to discern between the voice telling me "you can't" and the voice telling me "you will find me in the midst of this."  I have seen God succeed through me before when I felt weak and insufficient and I have no doubt that he would love the opportunity to show his power within me again.

     God has definitely been with me the last few weeks as the details are coming in and as the plans are being arranged in my host country.  Just recently the entire payment for the trip was paid for!  I had some generous people decide to donate money so that this would even be possible for me and I can't even explain how grateful I am for that.  I believe that this is a testament to what can be accomplished with the power of prayer... God is so good.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you to those who donated money to help me go on this trip, I really am so thankful for your kindness.  Also, thank you to those who have been keeping me in your prayers and thoughts!  Six weeks until departure!  Let's do this!

I am calling this one the fight for my freedom

     It was at the moment when I allowed all my weaknesses to consume my mind that I thought, I can't do this.  I can't fail again. 

     You see two summers ago I felt called to serve at a christian camp for the summer.  It was enough ways from home where I wouldn't get to see family or friends that often, but I thought I could sum up enough strength to push through the summer.  It wasn't but 24 hours of being there that I was looking at the steering wheel of my car, driving out of that camp in tears because I knew I couldn't find the strength in myself.  God revealed his will to me and I failed at completing it.  

     

     This experience has haunted me ever since.  I have a calling on my heart though, and that is I want so bad to serve the children of God in other countries.  When I came across the opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic, I pushed it to the side and didn't really think about it too much.  I reminded myself of the time I failed, then quickly threw the pamphlet into my junk drawer.  I continued to keep searching for things to do in the upcoming summer that would be cool, life changing, and you guessed it, close to home.  Nothing was working out and nothing felt right though.  One day I came across the Dominican Republic pamphlet again and started flipping through it.  I started realizing the control that I let my previous experience have on my life and I didn't like it.  God started to pour verses about strength and freedom into my heart and I couldn't help but feel like he was prompting me to take a leap of faith.  After a series of crazy twists and turns of getting paperwork signed, making appointments, and getting accepted to the program, I knew without a doubt that this was God's will for me.

     

     I failed the first time and my weakness was revealed to me.  My weakness controlled my decisions and ultimately my relationship with God.  I can't let it anymore.  This has gone too far and I am ready for God to cut the chains that bind me from what I am supposed to be.  So with that being said, I am calling this one the fight for my freedom...